saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
