they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am one with the molecules
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
