I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
