I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
