Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
