saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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