so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
