the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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