Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
