Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
