i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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