I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
