Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
