Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
