Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You pole danced in your parka.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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