thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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