Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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