I met the friendliest cop last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
