She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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