just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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