mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.