that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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