her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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