my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative