Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.