HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot