The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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