Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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