Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i would punch a child for taco bell
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
