This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
