Do you still have your period?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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