he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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