Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
