I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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