Don't you send me to vm
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
