Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
