well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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