My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
