Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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