You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
