What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize