woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
