I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
