I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When did angry sex become our thing?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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