Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
