I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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