matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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