I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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