FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
