i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
