i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
