I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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