I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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