here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she looked like the before picture.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
