Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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