how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
