she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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