Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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