Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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