I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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