I wish I could teleport
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
