I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if only i could text you this smell
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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