im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
