I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
