At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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