Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
