Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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