apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
