I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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