I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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