I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
