You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
