if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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