I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
this will be a night to untag.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
