She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
