Your face is a jimmy john
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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