Already got asked if we're dating
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
