Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
