My sheets look like a crime scene.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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