im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
