This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the liver wants what the liver wants
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
