im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
