ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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